Total Eclipse of a Love Story

Been listening to these two songs and I love both lyrics.. the first is simple and a little bit childish and dreamy.. the second is quite heartbreaking once you understand the lyrics..

Taylor Swift - Love Story
We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes and the flashbacks start
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air
See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns
See you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know

That you were Romeo
You were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go

And I said
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes, escape this town for a little while

'Cause you were Romeo,
I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go

And I said
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town

And I said
Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said

Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, you'll pick out a white dress
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

*Will I ever get the chance of saying 'yes'?


Westlife - Total Eclipse Of The Heart
Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round
Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time)
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart

Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in you eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart

*If falling in love means falling apart, I'd rather not fall for any..

Confusion and Confession

Been tagged by kak leen.. anyway, since I have no idea to whom the words 'her' and 'him' are referring to, I'm gonna take a wild guess and probably decide on this 'him'/'her' being :
1) your crush, or
2) different people according to the questions asked - you get to answer bout different people for each question, or
3) the person you previously had a relationship with..

In case you're wondering, I'm doing number 3.

1. What is the relationship of you and him/her?
he's my ex

2. Your 5 impressions towards him/her.
dangerous, thrilling, fun, inconsiderate, player.

3. The most memorable things he/she had done for you.
none that I can think of.. oh yeah, one - he lied to me.

4. The most memorable things he/she have said to you?
Do lies count? if it does, then the phrase I will never forget - "Saya nak bersama dengan awak.. Jangan lupakan saya.."

5. If he/she become your lover, you will...
I'll take the term 'lover' and translate it as boyfriend, which I had him as that and I was - am devastated.

6. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will...
not do anything at all.. he or whoever chooses to become my enemy is not worth any of my precious time..

7. If he/she become your lover, he/she has to improve on...
a LOT! but the UTMOST PRIORITY would be LOYALTY and HONESTY.

8. If he/she become your enemy, the reason is...
ask the person who claims him/herself to be my enemy.. I don't know.. I have no time to waste to make people my enemy - They can either be my friends, or noone important at all..

9. The most desirable thing to do on him/her is?
slapping him hard, torture and ruin his life and make him get on his knees to beg for forgiveness.. muahahahahahaha!!! nay.. its a fantastic illusion, but not worth my while..

10. The overall impression of him/her is...
a liar.

11. How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
threatened, ignorant, and probably a lot of hatred..

12. The character of you for yourself is?
cold

13. On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is?
I cannot and usually will not say 'no' to any favour being asked of me.

14. The most ideal person that you wanna be is?
me, myself, and I - but a little improvement on my flawed character will help.

15. For the people who care about and likes you, say something about them.
Thank you, I care for you too.

16. 6 people to tag:
haziq
shaza
taufik
mojha
nashrah
safwan

17. Who is no. 2 having a relationship with?
his previous ex.

18. Is no. 3 a male or a female?
an incorrigible male

19. If no. 7 and no. 10 were together, would it be a good thing?
uhh.. all of them are about the same male, so unless he is gay and an incest(if he has a twin).. I suppose not.

20. How about no. 5 and 8?
like I mentioned in no 19

21. What is no. 1 studying about?
he is working

22. Is no. 4 single?
he has a girlfriend, or rather several girlfriends and unless you want to be his doormat, go ahead and be with him..

23. Say something about no. 6
...

no 17 until 23 refers to qs nO1-10 abOve..

Not The Usual Cinderella

Just got back from Johor late last night.. had a good time, but not a blast..

1) Went to Desaru Damai Beach Resort. There was a swimming pool - with a diving board/plank.. but didn't get the chance of diving due to rain.. huhu.. Went to the beach and sat at the seashore.. It was amazing and serene.. haven't felt that way for a long long time.. My aunt's kite got stuck in one of the trees and while 4 of her adolescent nieces and I tried to get it back, a SNAKE slithered toward me.. I was at the front point and did not even realize until one of the girls shrieked and screamed "SNAKE!!" .. Only then did I realize and we all ran away like the hounds from hell were after us.. ahahahhahaa.. well, it was no hound.. but the creature is intimidating and dangerous none the less.. It was terrifying.. seriously..

Other than that.. We went to Tanjung Balau to have dinner.. and there was this stage - sort of like Uptown Shah Alam, but smaller - where people who eat there can sing - karaoke - and several of them did.. most of the time it was boys who thought their voices are like those of Jamal Abdillah's and M. Nasir's.. I can bet you, they were nowhere near these two singers.. gave my mom and I a headache afterwards.. ahahahaha..

2) The next day, we went to Kota Tinggi Waterfall.. there are 2 slides - like the ones in Wet World and Desa Water Park - and since this particular place belongs to Wet World, it's no surprise.. The nature is fantastic. Other scenery was fine, but not as breathtaking as the natural waterfall.. nothing else there could beat the feeling of being under the waterfall.. It was thrilling and a bit sore- the water hits you harder everytime - but never painful.. While I was trying to cross the river, a swimmer crashed into me and I ended up losing one shoe in the water. It was my favourite shoe!! Damn it!! Arghh~ It was really frustrating and until now, I cannot find the suitable replacement of the shoe I had lost..

That is why my title is as it is.. Since Cinderella is commonly beautiful, which I know I am not, and there will always be the prince charming giving back her shoe, which I doubt will happen, then it is proved I am no common Cinderella on this vacation..

But then again, I never saw myself as Cinderella..
ahahahhaha..

35 things

35 littl​e secre​ts

​Be hones​t no matte​r what!​

Who was your last text from?
- My aunt from Johor..

Where​ was your defau​lt pic taken​?​
- in front of Madam Maftuhah's office..

Are you a happy​ perso​n?
-Uh...

Your relat​ionsh​ip statu​s?
- Single in every possible way.

Have you ever lost a close​ frien​d?​
- Yes. It's not a good experience..

What is your curre​nt mood?
- Hurm.. no mood at all.. simply empty..

What'​s one of your siste​rs names​?
- Ahahahhaha.. I am an only child.

What'​ s your favor​ite color​?
- Purple

If you could​ go back in time and chang​e somet​hing,​ would​ you?
- Hm.. Maybe..

Have a crazy​ side?
- Yes, no doubt.. It balances the very-boring-serious side of me.. ahahaha

Ever had a near death​ exper​ience​?​
- Yes. No details will be given..

Who Did You Last Hug?
- My mom.

Are you mad at anyon​e right​ now?
- Nay..

What'​s stopp​ing you from going​ for the perso​n you like?
- I have no favourite persons right now.. at least not in the way this question suggests..

When is the last time you cried​?​
- Hmm.. I seriously forgot.. ahahahaa..

Who would​ you do anyth​ing for?
- People I love - Family, my lover and friends - well, almost anything..

Are you happy​ with your life?​
- Grateful

Whats​ your favor​ite numbe​r?
- Seven (same as Safwan)..muahahahhahaha..

Is there​ someo​ne that you will never​ stop lovin​g?​
- Of course. My mom, Grandmama and someone I have not met yet.. (Allah is not accounted as someone.. Since He is our creator.. so I guess there's no doubt I love him..)

Is it attra​ctive​ to you when a guy/girl smoke​s?​
- Definitely NO. Not even Robert.

Do you get scare​d easil​y?​
- No..

Do you speak​ any other​ langu​age?
- English.. Beginner's Mandarin and Japanese.. Mediocre at not-so-modest-and-innocent language in numerous other languages..

Do you have any pets?​
- Nope. Wish I had one.. a Cat.

Descr​ibe your life in one word?​
- unexpected.

Have you ever kisse​d in the rain?​
- Hell no. But I assure you it's gonna be one hell of experience and feeling once I get started.. with my husband though.

What are you think​ing of right​ now?
- Nothing..

What shoul​d you be doing​ right​ now?
- Pray.

Who are you think​ing of right​ now?
- Noone.

What are you liste​ning to?
- Aly and AJ Michalka - Slow Down

Who was the last perso​n you told I love you to?
- My mom..

Who was the last perso​n who you yelle​d at?
- ahahhaha.. long time ago.. dunno.

Do you act diffe​rentl​y aroun​d the perso​n you like?
- No. I am me. I merely show different people different sides of me.

What is your natur​al hair color​?​
- Raven black.

Who was the last perso​n to make you smile​?​
- Robert

Who am i tagging next?
- Taufik, Ariff, and the whole bunch of people in my death gates' list and also those who read this..

well.. what to do?

Haha.. went to pc fair just now.. thought of buying a notebook but changed my mind at the very last minute.. bought 2 pendrives and skinz while my mom bought her external hard disk from seagate..

On my way back, stumbled upon Faizal - whose name I couldn't remember at that point.. Sorry dude.. hehe.. And when I was on my way to put the very large and heavy printer my aunt bought in the car, my ex addressed me face to face, that's the first in weeks, with his sister, niece and nephew there.. He volunteered an indirect help.. which I declined.. enough is enough..

hm.. what else? oh! CONGRATULATIONS HAZIQ!! You are now an UNCLE!! Muahahhaaaa.. and the baby is cute.. send my regard to your sis in law and bro..

Am going to Johor tomorrow.. Spend some time there.. Hopefully my ex will not return to Johor - since its his hometown and the place I'm about to go is very VERY near to his house.. Could not risk meeting him..
=P

Well, I also went to see my worst nightmare - the DENTIST! Aaaaaaa!!! But, it turned out that my teeth are fine.. hehe.. So, one down.

Yesterday, I went to see the reflexologist. He was really trying to kill me.. It was freaking painful.. I don't know how I managed to keep my face blank - portraying nothing, but deep inside, I was about to kick his face for making me suffer.. aahhahahahhaa.. but its all good..

Anyway, to those in Penang.. I may be going there next week.. but, I'll tell you guys when I am there.. hehehe..

=)

Assalamualaikum

Just wanna write a few things before tomorrow comes..

1) Selamat Menyambut Hari Raya Aidiladha to all Muslim around the world.. Kepada yang mengenali diri, maafkan segala silap dan salah saya.. dan halalkan segalanya di dunia, akhirat dan setiap alam yang ada.

2) Crap!! What the hell was all that about? I cannot believe I dreamt of him.. and the other he was also there in my dream.. hmm.. wonder what it could mean.. but then again.. the dream seems so unreal which can only reflect the possibility of it coming true - NIL.. so, nothing to be worried about, fiqa.. *pep talking to my lonely self.. muahahhahahaha....

3) Probably going to Penang around 20 December or so.. got an engagement party.. MAYBE.

4) Should I go to Johor? I know there are people waiting to meet me there.. but that's exactly what's keeping me from going.. The prospect of getting introduced to the big family is... EXCRUCIATING.. hehehee.. well, not that painful of a thought.. but terrifying none the less.. Who would not be given the occasion and in my position?

5) Moving on from 'you know what' very well.. but hopefully I am able to stay out of their way around 100 miles radius.. or more.. That would be good for me.. at least they cannot hurt me anymore.. and am hoping I could just IMPRINT.. like Jake.. ahahahahha.. but then again.. maybe not.. I'd rather have the solitude than the pain of being left behind..

Demons, Drugs. Pills.

This outburst is triggered by Shaza's entry.. and also Edward's words, whispered not long ago..

"You're like my own personal brand of heroine" - Edward Cullen, Twilight by Stephenie Meyer.

I recalled the same feeling towards my exes..

My first ex, also my first love, was like a drug..
but he was far, much more, potent and possibly lethal to ME than any heroine..
The damages done were beyond repair..
The wounds cut are still healing..
The scars formed are still raw, even after all this time..
and I think he was more of my own personal demon..
A demon I could not face down..
A demon I would follow to the pits of hell, even only if it was to burn in the fire of Hades..
The only one, ever, who could control me with just a look..
The only one, so far, whom I would bow down and still looked up to..
I was afraid I would have fallen to the valley beyond redemption..
But his desertion was a painful slap of reality..
His treacherous words of love portrayed the day I learned the truth..
He was a dream I could not hold onto..
He was a beauty I did not deserve..
His spell of rein over me finally shattered..
I am now free, but not the same..
For beneath my mask of pride.. I am ashamed..


My second ex was like a pill..
He did what pills do - make you feel better on a short time, but you'll suffer the consequences for a long long time..
He was enveloped with fierce thrill and danger..
Every fiber of his being pulsates strength and illusions..
My very own tempting sinful apple..
His presence alone made me tremble with anticipation and fear..
His words sliced each strength, every happy memory and ego into pieces..
But his change made me step back onto the solid ground..
His leave forced me to choose - give love the chance to bloom(and put what was left of me at stake.. again) or walk out and never turn back..
His return to me, on his choice, served only to strengthen the prejudice..
His heart was never mine..
Though I willed myself to trust him being loyal as I was to him..
Allah knows better..
I walked away from his deceitful lovely lies..
His presence and words now breathe only annoyance and hurt to me..
His actions now proved I made the right choice of leaving..
I am free once more.. and never again will I give in to infatuation..
For beneath my mask of smiling gaiety is pain beyond comprehension..

What does the future hold for me?
Will I find true love?
Or will I stumble upon many other double-crossing-not to be trusted-lying men?
Will I finally find happiness in the arms of the one who loves me.. and I he?
Can I excite his interest and ignite passion in him?
Can I be my true-full of flaws-self with him?
Can I stir his mind and brings peace without being boring?
Will I be able to love him unconditionally.. and will he me?
Will I be able to satiate him and he me?
Will I be able to mother our children completely.. successfully?
Can I do this?
Can I handle that?
Can I..?
Can I..?
Will I..?
Can he..?
Will he..?

Hopefully my third man will be the ONE for ME..
Twice is enough.

Twilight Disturbia

Okay.. So I finally watched Twilight with Shaza(its her second time watching it..haha)..

I gotta say.. I laughed.. well, more like giggled the way things started off..
Why don't I just break it down to parts and categories..?

Easier.. ahahahhaa.. (like anyone would actually read)

Cute/Comical Scenes:
1) When Jasper entered the cafeteria.. His look was.. well, comical.. Funny and I couldn't help it. I burst out giggling like a little girl.. He was new 'vegetarian' in the Cullens family, therefore I think he was holding his breath most of the time(to avoid any unwanted temptation that will make him fall off the wagon).. and that's why he constantly looked as if he was in pain.. well, technically he was.. but it was still funny and I still laugh whenever I think about it..

2) Edward's nose-covering and holding-breath knee jerk reaction when the fan blew Bella's scent to him across the class.. His reaction was like he suddenly smelled something foul and dead.. and it was funny..

3) Carlisle's appearance, well, sort of like a mannequin.. and I had to bit my lip whenever I saw him on the screen.. he was good looking, yes. but the make up.. ahahahhahaaaa... *Sorry Carlisle..

4) Most of Charlie's scenes were quite funny to ME because he was a natural.. in a way.. loved the way he did the 'being good' with a halo sign atop his head.. and the rifle-snap before meeting Edward.. ahahahhahahahaa...

Personal Favourite Scenes :
1) Edward and Bella on top of a pine tree.. overlooking, hands-down, one hell of a fantastic view.. just the two of them.. It was sweet..

2) Edward's anger towards Bella's pouncers(the bad mortal guys..).. When he arrived, saved her, and drove like a maniac(I love it the most when the car whirls..hehe) and his way of trying to contain his anger.. well, it was just.. fascinating to ME.. partly because his need to kill was great, but he kept it down..

3) The baseball scene was.. fantastic.. the effects and all.. I LOVE the way Jasper swung and strutted his stuff with the baseball bat.. It was.. cool.. hehehhe..

4) Oh.. and the cooking scene at the Cullens' place.. ahahahahha.. A bunch of vamps who COOK?! and not only that.. EMMETT was chopping and slicing the meat?!! WOW!!! Emmett?! ahahahhahahaa.. it was very cute.. and his answer to Rosalie's outburst over Bellas' not an Italian was.. well, quite lame.. but it worked for him.. =)


Personal Favourite Quotes/Phrases :
1) "My monkey man" - Rosalie
2) "Uhuh.. I've heard that one before.." - Charlie
3) "I'm going to hell anyway.." - Edward.. okay, its a lame phrase but the way EDWARD said it with the crooked smile on his face, the I-don't-care-what-others-think attitude, and that sling of a hand over Bella's shoulder simply did it for ME.


I like the way Jasper just follows and entertains Alice even when she was dancing in the cafe.. ahahahhaa.. wish I could have that quality in my future man. =) =) =)

I like Edward's intense eyes and his sweet-devilish crooked smile.. =) =)

I like the protectiveness and possessiveness of Edward towards Bella.. Its kinda thrilling to be protected and being kept close and EXCLUSIVE by the person whom we LOVE.. =) =) =)


Things which can be IMPROVED :
1) The MAKE-UP (Mojha is right.. the make-up was freaking obvious) and HAIR-STYLE.. Help Jasper..Please.. (with a cherry on top.. Its a mess.. and here I thought he's supposed to be one of the tough looking vamps around.. other than Emmett that is..)

2) The WARDROBE of the CULLENS.. I thought they are supposed to be filthy rich that they NEVER wear the same clothes TWICE.. and though Alice is fashionable enough, others are not. Whatever happened to the hip and stylish CULLENS?! .. Meaning.. ALL of the CULLENS..

3) The VAMPIRES' GROWLING.. Seriously people.. It was NOT scary at all.. PLEASE do something about it..

4)The lines and characterization of every character.. I think Bella stood out and really shined, for ME, when she started panicking over Edward's words of wanting her to go away.. (I would panick as well, given the circumstances..ahahaha..) *.*

5) The transition and progress from one scene to another should be smoother.. well, hopefully there will be a better flow in the upcoming movies.. =)

6) This is specifically for Malaysia Censor Board.. WHAT'S WITH ALL THE SCENE CUTTING UNTIL WE COULDN'T COMPREHEND WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON?!! and WHY IS IT THE CENSORED/CUT OUT SCENES ARE DIFFERENT BETWEEN TGV AND GSC (According to Shaza who watched the movie TWICE in different settings, the scenes cut were different.. TGV has more cut scenes cut.. or should I say stuck?

7) This is specifically for Malaysia's TGV company.. What's with all that scenes getting stuck and fast forwarded, TGV??!!!


To other TWILIGHTERS out there, the movie is not that bad.. but it can be improved.. This is the first attempt after all.. give it a chance and hopefully the director and the film makers will care enough that they would try to listen to the fans and try to improve their 'product'..

Edward.. speechless.. but he can do better.. the intensity is good.. but not great.. and he shouldn't slump.. nor should he wear dull boring colors ALL the time.. come on.. he's rich..

Isabella.. lovely.. but looked awkward though.. REAL awkward.. no offense, but she looked scared stiff too.. she shouldn't be right? she loves Edward and the other Cullens..

Emmett did fine enough even without the lines..

Jasper not only looked in pain.. but scared.. and I don't think he should be looking that way..

Alice was quite stylish and she's a lovely vampire..

Rosalie.. well, quite fierce.. ahahahhaa.. but her first entrance in the cafeteria was good..

Esme didn't really have any scene that made her shine.. but she was okay.. I think..

Carlisle.. ehehehee.. other than looking like a mannequin, he was.. fine I guess..

Charlie was unexpectedly charming in a very weird fatherly and funny way.. (Pepper spray anyone? ahahahhaa)

Jacob was Jacob and of course, he did not really shine because New Moon is for him.. not Twilight..

Laurent.. hurm.. no comment..

Victoria.. freaky and quite scary..ahahahaha

James.. He looked blood thirst and a thrill seeker.. he was good..

Bella's friends.. okay I guess.. but what's with the booty dancing in front of the diner by Mike Newton? ahhahahhahaa.. was funny though.. hehe..


I am no one when it comes to this film-making industry.. but I am one of those who love watching movies.. So, I guess whatever I wrote here is tailored to suit MY feelings and thoughts.
If you don't like it.. DON'T read.

End of story..

hurt. again.

You know you are NOT the one when :
1) He treats her better than you.
2) He would scream and shout and yell at you but never her.
3) He would find fault in every little thing you do.
4) He is NEVER there when you need him.. Telling you that he is working, he is with his friends and so forth.. but when she calls, he'd pick it up in a heartbeat.
5) He always reply your messages 2-3 hours later.. but he answers every single message from her as soon as he gets it.
6) He said 'I love you' but you cannot feel the rush and you don't see the light in his eyes.. but when he merely talks to her, everything turns shiny-smiley bright for him.
7) He used to help you with things, but ignore you when he has her.
8) He ALWAYS tried to change you, but NEVER her.
9) He would put on his best behaviour when she is around.. but he never bothered to cover-up the same way when he was with you.
10) He buys her things that sort-of represent their love.. but he never gives you anything. Not even his attention.
11) He will only call you AFTER 12 midnight, and like an idiot, you'd wait for his call.. you'd wake up in the middle of the night just to answer his calls. His answer to your question, 'telefon waktu siang mahal'.. but for HER??!!
12) He couldn't care less if his words hurt you.. never bothered to apologize though he could see you crying in the corner over something he said.

I am confused.

What the hell am I?
Am I some sort of 'oven' who readies a person for his next relationship which always ALWAYS turned out to be THE REAL and meant-to-last type of relationships?!!!

TWICE it happened.

But
When am I gonna have mine?
Where do I stand in the midst of these chaotic relationships?

Am I not good enough?
Am I not real enough?
Am I too good, too bad for you?
Am I too ego, too humble?
Am I too thrilling for you?
Or am I just plain boring?

Am I just another girl before she comes around and made you turn your back on me?
Am I just another girl that you'd just have to have to prove that girls can't help it but fall under your spell?
What the hell do you think I am?
A trophy that you would just show others for a time before you pack me up in a box?!

YES!
I was the one who walked away.
But you were the one who walked out first.
But you came back.
Why?
When I wanted to end everything
You said NO.
Why?
So you can walk out on me again?
So you can tell others YOU dump me?
You wanted me to love you.
Is this how you wanted me to?

You want to know why I walked off?
Because you never really cared.
- am I just good enough to be your company at night and not in the daylight?
Because when you told me you loved me
- it did not feel right
Because I knew about your infidelity
- was in denial. thinking you deserve more credit. but I was wrong. you deserve none.

Tell me something,
why do you have to pretend you're another person
why do you have to put on your best behaviour, hiding many sides of you when you are with her?
but when you were with me,
you showed me every side of you
and I accepted everything didn't I?
you knew I cannot breathe in smoke
- but you smoke anyway,
but with her?

DON'T tell me that I was not there.
I was there, ALWAYS there for you AND your family even when I had to catch up with my friends, class, studies, and finals.
Where were you when I needed you?
Busy working or entertaining your friends and her?

DON'T tell me that we did not spend enough time together.
You would go back to Johor every week just to see her.
I was only in Shah Alam and you couldn't even go there?

DON'T tell me that she understands you better.
You don't even have the guts to show her the other side of you!

So tell me,
where did I go wrong?
not enough space?
- I'd given you every space there was in the world. I did not even interrupt when you were with your family and friends.
not enough attention/love?
- my whole damned life revolved around you before I stayed in Shah Alam. Your whole family knew I cared so much for you. I was learning to love you.
not enough trust?
- I trusted you enough til I bought all the lies you told me. I trusted you to be true, but did you? I trusted you when you said the girls pictures in your phone were just friends - 'kawan biasa'. but when I have guys picture and I said the same thing because it IS the TRUTH, you ranted and didn't believe a word I say. Why? So, don't talk about trust.
I don't understand you?
- my ass! Your family told me things about you. letting me learn about you. both the good and bad. but have you ever tried understanding ME?
What else?
What else do you want from me?!!

It hurts because you are throwing everything in my face right now.
You regard me as 'kawan' like any other girls - "Kawan biar berjuta.."
Oh.. now you're telling me I was just a friend?
When all this while you said 'I love you' and "saya nak bersama dengan awak" and "semoga hubungan ini berkekalan" and all that BULLSHIT you told me?!!
Before this you kept on saying "saya kekasih awak.." and "saya kan boyfriend awak" and "kita kan kekasih"...

LIES!

Look,
I cannot pretend that all the dramas do not hurt me.
They do.
Lately, we kept on fighting and arguing.
Why?
I thought we agreed to be friends.
Is this how?
When I was not around, you wanted me to be there.
But when I was, you hurt me with words sharper than knives that each and every time you say something..
It cuts deeper than before.

"I just wanna be alone tonight
I just wanna take a little breather
Cause lately all we do is fight
And every time it cuts me deeper

Cause something’s changed
You’ve been acting so strange
And its taking its toll on me
Its safe to say that I’m ready to let you leave - Hinder, Without You"

Why don't you talk to me and make me understand.
Cause I don't.